Relationships and consent

When we talk about consent, it means the ability to say yes or no to something happening to you. Sexual consent is when you freely agree to take part in sex or a sexual activity with someone else. Sexual consent must be gained for each sexual activity that occurs, every time it occurs.

Having a conversation about consent might be something new for you, especially if you’re starting a relationship or having sex for the first time. It’s important that you and the people you have sex with feel safe and comfortable at every step of the way.

Learn more about relationships in the Relationship 101 booklet, available in 20 community languages.

Asking for, giving and getting consent is something we do with our family and friends every day. For example, if you need to borrow a friend’s car, you’ will ask your friend first. Your friend must agree or consent before you can borrow their car.

Sexual consent is very similar. It is about people agreeing to have sex and to take part in intimate activities like a hug, a kiss, touching a partner’s genitals or having anything inserted into the body.

Consent is about feeling safe and comfortable.

Talking and asking questions is one of the best ways to understand if someone is feeling comfortable at any time. You could ask questions like:

• What would you like to do?
• Is there anything you don’t want to do?
• Can I touch you here?
• Are you happy to keep going?
• Do you feel comfortable with this?
• Do you want to stop?

Keep in mind that when a person gives consent to one sexual activity, it doesn’t mean they have given consent for another. Sexual consent must also be asked for and given on every occasion, even if you have previously done the same sexual activity with the same person.

Sometimes people do not feel comfortable to say no, even if they really want to. The person you are with might look like they are happy and comfortable, but on the inside they are not. Make sure you pay attention to their body language to help you figure out whether they are giving consent. If a person is feeling uncomfortable, they might:

• have stiff muscles
• push you away
• hold their arms around their body
• hide their face or not respond to your touch.

It is good to ask and check for body language signs to help know if your partner is consenting. A person can change their mind at any time and no longer consent to keep going, for any reason.

If a person says ‘no’ or seems uncomfortable, you must stop.

Non-consensual sex or sexual activity (including touching or kissing) is against the law and is a crime. The legal age for a person to give sexual consent is 16 years-of-age in NSW. Consent age laws differ across different states, check local laws if having sex outside of NSW.

Consent cannot be legally given if a person is asleep, affected by alcohol or drugs, tricked, or threatened into sexual activity.

For counselling and support for sexual violence or family and domestic violence, please call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). If it is an emergency, call 000.

More information on consent here: https://www.nsw.gov.au/family-and-relationships/make-no-doubt

Sending sexually explicit messages, images or videos can be a fun and intimate way to connect, if it is done with consent and respect. However, there are risks and legal considerations to be aware of.

In Australia, it is illegal to send, receive or look at sexual content of anyone who is under 18. Sharing sexual images without consent is also illegal. Once images have been shared, it is hard to control where images might go. They can be easily shared or posted online without your permission.

You can find more information about being safe online or report online abuse on the eSafety Commissioner website.